The power of connection between parent and child
Anyone who has ever spent time in a pediatric ward knows the emotional turmoil that accompanies the moment of parting between a parent and their sick child. Whether it is the confused sadness of a toddler or the desperate pleas of an older child, the distress is palpable. But behind these heart-wrenching moments lies a deeper psychological and biological truth: the separation of parent and child in early life can have profound and lasting consequences.
Why early separation hurts
From the very beginning of life, the relationship between a mother (or primary caregiver) and infant is biologically and emotionally intertwined. A child depends entirely on their caregiver for survival, safety, and emotional regulation. This foundational attachment is not only essential for psychological stability but also for healthy brain development. When a child is separated from a parent, particularly during times of illness or vulnerability, it can cause immense stress, triggering what experts call a “toxic stress” response.
The biological stress response in infancy
During infancy, a child’s brain is still in rapid development. At birth, the brain weighs only a quarter of its adult size and continues to grow and form complex neural networks in the first few years of life. This growth is influenced not only by genetic programming but also by external stimuli—especially emotional and physical care. Warmth, affection, and consistency are as essential as food for the developing brain.
However, when a baby experiences high levels of stress, such as from prolonged separation from their caregiver, it disrupts this developmental process. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, floods the brain and affects its structure and function. Prolonged exposure to stress hormones has been linked to increased risk of emotional disorders, learning disabilities, and chronic health conditions later in life.
A child’s cry is a call for connection
One of the earliest and most powerful tools a child has to communicate distress is crying. Evolution has equipped humans with a strong emotional response to the sound of a baby crying. In fact, the cry of an infant can reach over 100 decibels—comparable to a jackhammer. This sound is meant to spur immediate caregiving action. During pregnancy and post-birth, maternal hormones increase a mother’s sensitivity to her baby’s cry, creating a biologically reinforced caregiving response.
When caregivers cannot respond to this cry—either due to physical absence or institutional policies that separate parents and children—the infant’s distress is not alleviated. Over time, this creates a pattern of unmet emotional needs, leading to mistrust, insecurity, and attachment disorders.
Emotional consequences of hospital separation
Hospitals are often seen as places of healing, but for a child, they can be overwhelming and confusing. The sterile environment, medical procedures, and unfamiliar faces create a landscape of fear. If a parent is not allowed to stay with their child, this fear becomes amplified.
Small children cannot comprehend the reasons for their hospitalization. They do not understand that their pain and discomfort are part of a treatment process meant to help them. All they know is that they are ill and that their primary source of comfort and security—their parent—is absent.
Long-Term effects on brain and behavior
Recent research into early childhood development has shown that stressors like prolonged parental separation can alter the brain’s architecture. Neuroimaging reveals changes in the density of neural networks and activity levels in key areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, learning, and memory.
These changes can manifest as emotional dysregulation, increased anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life. Children may also experience reduced academic performance, behavioral problems, and even a higher risk of chronic diseases.
Creating a secure base: The Parent as Anchor
Psychologist John Bowlby, pioneer of attachment theory, emphasized the importance of a secure base for children. A securely attached child feels safe to explore their environment, knowing they can return to the caregiver for comfort and support. Separation disrupts this security and teaches the child that their world is unpredictable.
When children return home after a hospital stay that involved prolonged separation, many parents notice changes in behavior. These can include clinginess, sleep disturbances, regression in developmental milestones, or emotional withdrawal. Such responses are a direct result of emotional trauma and a disruption in the attachment system.
Socioeconomic disparities and separation
Not all families experience separation in the same way. Socioeconomic status plays a significant role. In well-resourced settings, parents may be granted leave, provided with hospital accommodations, or supported with childcare for siblings. In lower-income contexts, parents may lack the resources to stay with their hospitalized child, leading to more frequent and longer separations.
This disparity perpetuates a cycle of vulnerability, as children in economically disadvantaged families are more likely to experience the cumulative effects of stress, limited parental availability, and reduced access to supportive services.
Policy and the role of healthcare systems
Highly developed societies have begun to acknowledge the importance of maintaining the parent-child bond during hospitalization. Many pediatric units now implement “rooming-in” practices, allowing parents to stay with their children 24/7. In neonatal intensive care units (NICUs), skin-to-skin contact and parental presence are increasingly emphasized as essential for recovery.
Moreover, policies are shifting toward a family-centered care model. This approach recognizes that the wellbeing of the child is intricately linked to the wellbeing of the parent. It promotes practices that facilitate parent participation in care, emotional support for families, and the physical presence of parents at the bedside.
Upholding the rights of the child
The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child emphasizes a child’s right to remain with their parents unless separation is in the child’s best interest. Articles 9 and 16 specifically protect against arbitrary separation and unwarranted interference in the child’s family life.
Unfortunately, institutional practices do not always reflect these rights. In some settings, newborns are still routinely separated from their mothers, formula feeding is prioritized over breastfeeding, and hospital visiting policies limit parental access. Such practices contradict the principles laid out in international child rights frameworks.
What can be done?
Improving child health outcomes begins with recognizing the vital role of emotional security. This requires a collective effort:
- Healthcare providers must be trained in attachment theory and trauma-informed care.
- Hospitals should implement policies that allow continuous parental presence.
- Governments must legislate for parental leave and economic support during child hospitalization.
- Communities and NGOs can raise awareness and advocate for child rights.
The Union of Associations “Our Children Croatia” has taken a leading role with initiatives like “Together for a Child’s Smile in Hospital,” which aims to provide resources for parents to stay close to their hospitalized children. These small yet impactful changes can significantly improve the hospital experience for both children and parents.
Why emotional support in hospitals is a shared responsibility
Ensuring that children feel safe, connected, and supported during illness is not only a moral imperative but a public health necessity. Long-term wellbeing begins with early emotional security. Let us work together to make sure that no child has to face the world alone, especially in moments when they need us the most.
We want to create a long-term relationship of trust and health with parents and children.
Download LittleDot – Your Family’s Health Companion!
Easily manage your family’s health with our all-in-one app. Track medical records, consult with doctors, and stay ahead of every health need. Convenient, reliable, and always within reach. Download now and try it for free!
